Blogging

I started this blog a couple of years ago, so I could work on my writing and show my family and friends what we've been up to.  My first post had a lot of writing in it and soon after all my posts consisted of just a bunch of pictures and "this is what we did". I think I made it more of a picture blog because I was affraid to write my true feelings and random thoughts and I want to do more.  I want to write my feelings and ideas, so I created another blog and did some writing and it felt good, but having another blog on top of this one and my recipe blog is honestly a lot of work and stupid. So I deleted it.  But from now on expect more writing and sorry if what I write bugs you or makes you think I'm crazy but I'm doing this blog for me anyway and I shouldn't be worried about what others think about me.  So here is one of the posts I had wrote a little over a week ago...

Be Kind to Tabi... She's a good girl....

Those are the words of my mother, to me...  I've been really down on myself lately.  Mostly because I've been breast feeding my boys and now I'm not producing much.  It is strange how it works, when they were in the NICU and all I did was pump, I was making anywhere from 3 oz to 12 oz, every 3 hours!!  But then as soon as I switched to just feeding them, my milk went away!  I'm making less than an oz... unless I wait all night and then I make about 2 (which is barely enough to feed one baby, one time).  I'm trying to do everything people have been telling me to do,  pump more, eat more protein, drink more water,.. and so far nothing.  There has been no change and I'm at my wits end!!  I just want to be able to give the best to my babies and even though I really don't like breast feeding, I really want to be able to provide that for them so they can get the best nutrients as possible, especially because they are preemies.  I feel like a failure even though I know that in my family it's normal to stop producing earlier than you planed.  One of my sisters stopped being able to at around 2 months, another sister couldn't at all, and my mom said that some kids she was able to feed and others she wasn't.  I really hope my body can realize that I have two little ones that I really need to feed but if it doesn't I need to realize that things just happen and it's not my fault and I need to: 'Be kind to Tabi... She's a good girl.'