Light at the end of a LONG, FRUSTRATING, "one more day" tunnel...

So last week I was getting frustrated. Kollin had been doing good breastfeeding but Kleyton wasn't having anything to do with it. I was super worried about Kollin getting discharged and trying to figure out what to do if Kleyton had to stay here. I mean how am I supposed to feed and take care of both of them when I live 20 minutes from the hospital and once a baby leaves the nicu, they can't go back unless they're sick. So on Thursday Dr. Ridout talked to us and said that it was probably time for me to room in the hospital so I could feed the babies at night. He said that it wasn't fair to hold Kollin back when he was ready to eat more, and that Kleyton would be following soon hopefully. He insured us that they would do everything they could to send them home at the same time. So I got a room up in pediatrics while Kole went to drill for the weekend. Thankfully that night it finally clicked in Kleytons head what he needed to be doing. So the few days after that we slowly weened them off of their tube feedings and by Sunday it was time for the boys to move into a room with us to start our 24-48 hour time before we could go home.

Sunday was a long day! We had a lot to get taken care of before we could move into the room.
They both passed their car seat tests (sitting in a car seat for 90 minutes with out having any problems). Both barely fit in them, We adjusted them to the very smallest they would go and still had to use a rolled up burp rags in the only acceptable places that are still safe while driving. I got nervous and stressed out for a minute thinking we might have to buy new car seats. I called Kole who wasn't quite home from drill yet worried as all heck but we had a great charge nurse who knew how to adjust everything and we made it work.

I had to run home and grab the car seats and when I got back the guy from an oxygen rental was there with paper work and oxygen tanks and tubes for Kleyton to go home with.. ( when you "room in" you have to act as close as possible to being at home which means the oxygen tubes and monitors you would use at home had to be there. I was kind of excited cuz this was a huge step to going home but I got stressed again trying to remember all that he told me and got a little worried about how long he might need it and annoyed that he still had to be hooked up to wires. (can you tell it was an emotionally crazy day for me?)

Another step in the going home direction was that they got put on the "back to sleep program" which is basically they now have to sleep on their backs and couldn't have any bean bags or anything around them in their cribs because when you go home they won't be on monitors to tell you if something is going wrong.

It was a very long day but we were super excited to be in our "family room" that night. we crossed our fingers hoping we would be able to go home the next day.... Haha, yeah right!

Both the babies weren't going to the bathroom very well so they needed to make sure that there was nothing wrong. When you room in you write everything down.. how much they ate, the weight of their pee and poop, their temps, etc.... so this was what we had to get used to the first night of officially sleeping in the same room with our kids... waking up with the babies every couple of hours and writing all this info down crossing our fingers that they would have a big diaper.

They also get weighed every night, Sunday they both lost weight... again for like the 3rd or 4th night in a row. We were getting a little worried.

Monday rolled around and they both started going to the bathroom better, BUT they had lost a little weight over the past few days because of their diet change. (breast milk is 20 calories, they had gotten used to breast milk that was fortified up to 25 calories) so Doctor Carroll added "one more day" they also added a once per shift bottle of 24 cal milk.. We also started to breastfeed until they thought they were done, then pump and see if they would take a bottle. which they do pretty much every time. (we're thinking it's because breastfeeding is a lot of work and tuckers them out fast but with bottles it comes out easier)

---tangent--- Kollin is a champ at breast feeding but Kleyton loves bottles now... I guess it's a good thing I can pump.---

At the weigh in monday night Kollin gained but Kleyton lost:(

We gave them baths and played with these little cuties. and even though Kleyton had lost a little weight we still were hoping we would be able to go home on Tuesday... which was our goal day, they would be 37 days old that day and they would be 37 weeks gestation...(in the nicu we still go by gestation because it has a lot to do with their growth and development)

Unfortunately tuesday came around and got "one more day" added on. By this point I was an emotional wreck, because to everyone else this time line may seem not that bad but when your babies are in the hospital and now all it is, is a weight gain waiting game it feels like FOREVER!! And all I want is to be home with my husband and my kids and start to get a sense of some kind of normalcy. You really have NO idea how bad all this sucks until you go through it!

Tuesday was spent feeding and sleeping and feeding and sleeping and by that night I was FOR SURE that they would both gain weight. There was NO way that they could loose again after how well they'd been eating. Kollin gained!! but Kleyton lost again.... SOOOO frustrating!

So this morning we got the news yet again "one more day". they upped the calories from just one bottle per shift to fortifying all the bottles we give them. They also took a blood test to make sure that the boys sodium levels were okay because that could be affecting their weight gain., So I spent a couple hours crying and talking with my husband and the lactation specialist, who is an amazing person and has been so good at making us feel a little bit better and prepared for this parenting/breastfeeding process.

Kole stayed on daddy duty while I took a little drive to run an errand and get a break from being in this hospital non stop since Sunday. I came back feeling a little bit more refreshed and positive. We got the lab results back and everything is fine! which is a big sigh of relief.

Then at their nightly weigh in.............wait for it................. they BOTH gained!!! So hopefully we will be able to take our little nuggets home tomorrow... (technically today for me, seeing as how it's almost 1am..lol and I know I need to be up to feed at 2 but I'm so excited I can't sleep anyway!!!)

(oh and in this picture kole is sporting a mask because he caught a little cold. So we're being super careful.... washing hands, using sanitiser, him wearing a mask so we don't prolong the babies stay and also so they don't end up back here)

so everyone cross your fingers!!!! that today (thursday) will be the day!!

Also I just want to let everyone know that YES we are going to be those super anal parents who makes everyone wash their hands and use sanitiser and asks you not to smother our babies with a thousand kisses and to stay away even if it's just a slight tickle in your throat until you know for sure you aren't sick BECAUSE our babies already have enough problems as it is and we really don't want them catching RSV and ending up back in the hospital. That being said, we do want our close family and friends to share in our happiness and meet our little bundles but please be respectful to us because living in a hospital is no way to live at all!

And now for your viewing pleasure... a short film on our hungry babies who like to try and eat everything...